When I started down this path three and a half years ago, I had no idea how much work this process requires. In the beginning it was an hour by hour effort. There were moments when I thought I couldn’t make it another hour. The shock and emotional pain was so intense and would hit in agonizing waves. The wave would retreat, but I was left feeling drained. Over time the waves would come a bit less frequent and with a bit less intensity, but they still came. Anyone who hasn’t experienced this type of grief would not understand that there are moments when just putting one foot in front of the other to move was agonizing and more effort than I felt I had. Somehow and someway I managed to keep “moving forward”.
Moving through this type of grief really is “Work”! I had constant support from a few very close friends, but ultimately I was the only one who could get myself through this and get to where I am today. Recently I had a teacher who referred to child birth as an analogy to a point she was making. I think this analogy can also be used to describe the process through grief. We can have those around who support us, but ultimately only we can do the work to get ourselves through this. In child birth the same is true. There are doctors, nurses, technology and other support people with us, but only we can push that child out, not all those other people!
This was a slow and agonizing process at times and there were moments when I thought I should be moving forward faster. The bottom line is, there is No Timeline for how you move through grief and you will never get a certificate of completion for it. It’s done on your own time and at your own pace and only you can do it. Do not be discouraged or think you are not doing correctly. There is no right or wrong way. The key is to keep moving forward at whatever pace works for you. Remember, when you wake up in the morning and you get both feet on the floor and stand up, you have taken another step forward!!!