I am half way through my 6th year since my husband passed. It really seems unreal that this much time has passed. I can remember it being 6 weeks and thinking how I would manage to get through another day!!! Many days I wondered if it was worth it to try to get through another day!! The future seemed so bleak, lonely, and scary!! Especially the “alone” part! But as each day passed and I realized I had survived yet another day, another week, month and then years, I started to appreciate that I was making progress. I realized that if I woke up in the morning and put both feet on the floor and stood up, I had just made a small step forward. All these small steps culminated into moving forward 5 and a half years later.
There was a tendency at times where I felt like I wasn’t making progress, that there would never be a time when I would feel “normal” again. I think it’s very normal to have these feelings when struggling with loss. It is a brutal battle and very depressing at times. However, progress is being made every day whether you feel like it is or not. It takes a lot of effort and work and self motivation to continue, but you will get there and you will find a place where you feel “normal” again. This will be your new normal.
As I look back over these years, it was rough, brutally rough at times. I am here to tell you that I am living proof that you can come out the other side and feel much better. I have reached that point. I have found a new normal where I am again happy and feeling Joy in life. Yes, it is different from my life before, but the happiness is there. I made a choice to put together the pieces into a new life and I am living it now. Do I remember my life with my Husband and do I still have some of those moments. Yes I do. The difference is that I can remember and smile at things and am grateful for the years we had. I am Blessed to have had those years and life with him, but I am looking forward to living my life with Joy and Happiness.
On a side note, my dog Angus and I welcomed a new puppy into our lives in April 2018. It just so happens that she turned 1year old on the Five and a Half Year mark!!!! Her name is Mayzie!!!!