Five Years!!!

A few weeks ago I passed the five year anniversary of my Husband’s passing.  In many ways it just doesn’t seem possible that this much time has passed.  There are times when it still seems as if it was only a short time ago!  I have come a long way on this “grief path’ in these five years, no question about it, but are there still some raw times, very much so!

The brutality of the initial grief is not present anymore.  I am functioning well, moving forward, creating the “New Normal”!!!  The so called well meaning questions from friends and family, that haven’t been through this, are almost gone.  I think they have gotten the message that I am staying in my house, I am capable of managing a house and the property with it, by myself!!!

What I am experiencing now is the true reality that I am by myself.  At least that is how I feel most of the time.  Yes, I have family and friends, but my life has changed forever.  The life I had with my husband will never be here again. New life is growing back, but it is slow and different, not necessarily bad.  It is at times quite lonely, something I haven’t experienced before in my life. Friends and family don’t call anymore to see how I am doing.  By this point they assume you are fine.   The friends who have been through this, do still call.  There is a misnomer that time heals all wounds.  Well it doesn’t.  This type of loss never really goes away.  There will always be reminders and situations that bring the feeling of loss to the surface.  The anniversary of his passing brought the tears back.  However, I was Blessed to have girlfriends who remembered and called and came by to be with me.   I wasn’t alone.  These friends are Angels in my life!!

So I now start year 6 without him.  The journey continues!!!! I am moving forward with  with gratitude for those who have stayed by my side through all of this.  You know who you are.  Thank You!