In many ways it seems surreal that three and a half years have gone by since my husband’s passing! Yes, I am now counting in years and not months. My journey has come a long way in three and half years. The loneliness still prevails many days, but I feel as though I am piecing a new life together for myself. I have two dogs and a cat who have been by my side through this journey and last week I was reminded that time has passed and they are getting older. My oldest dog was diagnosed with diabetes and gave me quite a scare. That nauseating emotional pain came flooding back through me when I was rushing her into the veterinarians. She was sick and had gone into Ketosis and this all happened very quickly. I am happy to say she is fine now and will be on insulin for the rest of her life, but that can be managed.
The return of the emotional pain brought my thoughts back to the months after my husband’s passing and how brutal and ugly those days were. I spent many hours in agonizing crying pain, so out of control that I would hyperventilate. My two dogs would surround me in an effort to help and protect me, while I was breathing into a paper bag to try to regain control of my breathing. Only a few close friends knew and saw the depth of this grief. It’s not something that you even want many to see and it takes a very special and unique individual to walk along side someone at this level of grief. I don’t think my family had any idea what I was going through.
I have survived this life amputation for this long, so I know I can and will continue to survive. My life is very different now in many ways, but I continue to try to focus my attention on my Gratitudes. So to anyone who might read this and is new to walking this path, I have survived, and although you think you won’t, you too will work your way through this!