My intention was to start blogging on a more frequent basis when I set this blog up. However, this year has gotten away from me. Here it is a week from Thanksgiving and my mind is still back in September. Time has just flown by.
I had an opportunity to go to Africa this year, which I did in September for 3 weeks. This has always been a bucket list item for me, so when this opportunity presented itself earlier this year, I figured WhyNot!!! I travelled with friends I have known for 30 years, but hadn’t seen for quite awhile. Needless to say, the trip was beyond words. It’s probably one of the best trips I have ever taken. My late husband and I travelled quite a bit, but he never wanted to go to Africa, so this was not a trip we would have taken. I spent the bulk of the year consumed with getting ready to go. Being away for 3 weeks and having animals and property to be attended to requires some pre planning. It was all worth it.
Today is November 16th. Yes a significant date because it is the 16th of the month and my husband passed on the16th of August in 2013. It was 39 months ago. I am happy to say that I have gotten through the last two months of significant days without any problem. October had been difficult since that is the month of our wedding anniversary. This month was my husband’s birthday. I actually got through all these days with no difficulties this year. There was a time in this process that I didn’t think this would ever happen! It is getting some what better. This is not to say that I don’t still have some low moments. I definitely do! They are just further apart and not as horribly low and difficult. I know that many people say this is something you never get over. I would like to say that this type of loss is something you never “forget”. You will never forget your life with your spouse. It was a major part of your life and helped shape who you are. However, it is possible to create a new life for yourself without forgetting this portion of your life. I think I am just starting to reach this point. It has not been without many low and ugly moments, but I am starting to see some light instead of so much darkness.
Bye for now,
Yesterday, June 16,2016, marked the 34 month mark since my Husband’s passing. Yes, I am still counting in months, similar to counting the age of an infant or toddler. Every month on the 16th I get a twinge in my stomach. For me it is one of the “significant” dates. It marks a passing of yet another frame of time that I have survived without him and at the same time a remembrance of what happened on the “16th”! I am someone who seems to remember dates relating to just about everything. In this situation, I question whether or not it is an asset.
I have been told by many that I had to get through the “firsts” of all the significant dates and then it would get easier!! All the advice a widow gets is another subject that I will talk about later, but I have found the seconds and thirds have their challenges too. Significant dates are not just the typical holidays. I find myself recalling memories about days, like a day we picked up a particular car that we were excited about or a day we got a new dog. Any day that left a significant memory of our life together can have an effect on me. Yes the “twinge” in my stomach gets a bit less intense, but I still remember and associate the “dates”.
I don’t ever want to forget my memories with my late Husband, but my hope is that as I continue to move forward, that maybe I will be able to just smile at the memory or even remember that a date was significant a couple days later! Everyone handles the memory of these dates differently. Although yesterday was the 34th month of my Husband’s passing, it was also the 34th month that I have somehow survived. So, on those days when I think I can’t do this anymore, I try to remind myself that I have been doing and surviving this “beast” called grief for 34 months!!!
Finding support for this type of grief seems to be few and far between, so my hope is that by writing about my experience I may be able to be of some support to another woman going down this path.
Two and a half years ago, I was unwillingly inducted into this club called Widows!!!! Like other members of this club, I didn’t apply for admission or pay a monetary fee to join. It took only “one breath” and I was officially a member. It started on a Friday night in the middle of August at 9:06pm. It will be forever engraved in my memory! At that moment I was about to embark on a journey through a thing called “Grief”, the likes of which, I had never known. It has been a journey that no one can understand unless they have walked this path. I know this to be true, as I could never have understood what this was like till I went thru it!!! It is a personal and very individual process that is as different for each individual as our fingerprints. My hope with starting this blog and writing about my own journey will in some way help others walking the same path to heal and grow and move forward as I have been doing and continue to do.